Monthly Archives: December 2016

Let’s face it. . . invisible illness can have its humorous moments if we look for them.

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You Know You Have a Chronic Illness When… ­

  • Your medical records have to be transported on a cart and cost $4,372 to get copies of.
  • To entertain people at parties you recite the side effects of medications as if you are the voice over on a commercial.
  • You would love to have a pair of Dr. Oz’s purple gloves just to freak out your friends when you are making meatloaf.
  • When you hear the term “Club Med” you automatically think of the hospital.
  • The pharmacist brings your medications to the counter without you having to give him your name. . . and then asks how the kids are and tells you about his vacation.
  • To get rid of boredom on road trips, your whole family can go through the alphabet and name a drug that starts with each letter of the alphabet.
  • When you’re unable to sleep because of pain, you watch “The Real Housewives” and feel like you actually have a life–because it could always be worse.
  • Your spelling has improved dramatically, especially on words like “fibromyalgia” and “osteoporosis.”
  • When anyone around you has an accident you have a complete First Aid kit of bandages, ointments, sanitizers, etc.
  • You have a hot water bottle in your desk at work for pain emergencies.
  • you’ve been “Around the World in Thirty Minutes” with CNN’s Headline News 57 times in one sitting.
  • Your friends on social networks have no idea what you actually look like anymore because all you post as your profile image are awareness ribbons.
  • You earn $20 cash back a month from your pharmacy’s bonus points.
  • You have a panic attack in public and say, “Praise God this is only the fourth one today!”
  • You’re invited to the wedding of the gal who works at the hospital lab.
  • You drop a bagel upside down on your pajama top–the third day in a row. But then you realize the last morning your PJ top is on inside out anyway.
  • Someone says, “You are looking so good” and it actually makes you feel a bit frustrated, rather than flattered.
  • You’re child thinks watching you do injections of medication is “cool.”
  • You have a flashback and don’t know what happened and can honestly say, “I don’t know where I was or what I was doing but I’ll make something up if you’d like.”
  • You carry hand-sanitizer with you everywhere and aren’t afraid to use it.
  • Your child can’t tell the difference between your PJs and your clothes because everything is loose-fitting and black.
  • You shake hands with your left hand so it throws people off enough that they don’t squeeze your hand.
  • You know every scripture about healing and can finish people’s sentences when they try to quote them to you.
  • The teen children of your friends call to see if they could interview you for a paper in their health class.
  • It’s more fun to find “cute pajamas” than actual clothes.
  • You actually enjoy talking to telemarketers because they can’t really hang up on you and you can use them for a therapy session.
  • You leave up “Get Well” cards on your mantel for months so people understand why your house is so messy.

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